One of the main problems you can encounter in teamwork is what is usually called “highly emotional people”, in fact a kind of people with a very primitive set of emotions that makes almost impossible the communication on a rational basis regarding certain issues.
Naturally, I am not talking here about job relations, where a hierarchy is (or should be) clear, the goals are usually well defined and the underlying values and premises are more or less common. No, I am talking about other kind of situations, precisely when office time is over, if you happen to be in the sad clerical state, and then you’re off and start to work for yourself, with-a-little-help-of-your-friends.
It is only logic that you look for support among the people with whom you share your life: family, friends, sentimental partner. But suddenly you realize one of the most usual and unexplainable tragedies of the “civilized” human being: it seems that any project that is not supported by a paycheck at the end of the month, fails miserably after a few attempts. It is only your real life and your real interests, after all (I’m being ironical here)…
Yeah, it is a tragedy, and the reasons for that would provide a thousand posts or so. But today I’m talking about the allies in such a frequent failure, a failure that seems to confirm the point of view of the slave dealers that hold the whip at that job you hate.
The kind of “strongly emotional” people I’m talking about becomes an obstacle for being serious with your own projects, because, suddenly, one day, they become outraged when you intend to face some really innocent organizational issue. That kind of relative or flatmate who cannot understand that, because life is too short and all of you have better things to do than cleaning the bath, you should better set a schedule before problems arise.
That kind of people will weave things like “the power of friendship”, “the value of family” and stuff like that, as valid reasons not to set rules. If you insist, you will be “ruthless”, “cold hearted”, etc, because everything should take care for itself due to the good relation you hold.
Loving something, sharing some values, is not incompatible with setting a few rules. On the contrary. One must care for what is important, by applying particular measures. It is like a tool. What those people defend is a bit like saying “we love food too much to use forks”, or “we love sex too much to use protection”. Precisely, what you love must be carefully identified, limited and surrounded for the sake its own preservation.
It sounds meaningless to myself as I write about it, but I’ve been through it too many times. Such people do not offer a single square inch for negotiation, setting rules is being “too rational”, and the more you insist, the more stubborn they will become about the issue. They consider that things will take care of themselves “in the name of love”. Idiot as it seems, sometimes their intention is even sincere, but many other times, such beautiful, general and unproductive speeches are nothing the squid strategy (in the meantime, btw, the bath becomes dirtier and dirtier…)
I don’t have a recipe to deal with this kind of people. Of course, conscious talking and a positive attitude can help a lot, but many times all you can do is abandon the field or commit to a long, patient re-education process, whose fruits take very long to arrive, and success is rarely complete. At least, I write here with the intention of defining the problem. Identifying the beast is the first step to tame it, defining the disease the first step towards the vaccine.
So, do you know people of this kind? And how do you manage?
Related posts:
Taking care of oneself
Nacho and the primal forces
Why we need assholes
One quote and two warnings
Invisible hurdles: a GTD story
