I learned this sentence while looking for some information on empathy. I did not believe much in it at first, it looked kind of naive to me. Here’s how it was supposed to work: instead of inserting your opinion in a wedge-like, bull-like manner, (i.e. “No, I don’t agree, I’d rather think…”), trying this beginning:
“Maybe you’re right, but don’t you think…” (your opinion here)
First time I tried it I did it only as a sort of internal joke to myself. I found really hard to contain my smile. But the result blew me off. Absolutely. All of a sudden, we entered a different, nicer level of conversation. It was like a magic wand.
Thinking about it later, maybe the trick is, by using words like this, you are making the other person unconsciously adopt your opinions as if they belonged to him/her. By doing that, you propose a verbal interaction that is no longer divided in the ‘me’ and ‘you’ teams, but rather focused on the matter discussed. Something to clarify together, instead of something with only one man (or woman) standing at the end.
Anyway, it is too easy to add reasons and theories to explain something after you’ve checked that it works. The plain fact is that it works, so give it a try. Maybe you’ll find it hard at first, we’ve been so trained in competition and attack/defense patterns… But it is worth a try, because the results are amazing, and yet, simple as a glass of water…
And above all, don’t forget it, try not to laugh! 
I’m curious: do you have other efficiency-proven formulas?
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Hi Nacho,
It seems you are entering the world of mind control
I don’t have efficiency-proven formulas because I don’t interact much in the physical world, and when I do, I usually screw up and get people mad at me, that’s why it is so nice to write instead of talking…they can punch me in the face
There’s so much to learn, isn’t it?
Raul
Correction…it should say: They “cannot” punch me in the face…sorry (see what I mean?)
Raul
Oh yes, I agree with you. The people out there is often mean and quite difficult to understand. Empathy works great, but we cannot always reach our own empathy resources, it seems to be an increasingly difficult art in our overpopulated world, where we are more and more crammed…
OTOH, there are many times when I think trying something clumsy is better than doing nothing at all… it’s my personal case maybe, but sometimes I just need more things to happen… the best way to be perfect, immaculate, is being like a vegetable, but there is not much fun on that
I always prefer a VERY alive mistake.
In addition, I think human relations are too complex to be reduced to a single variable; there is no “right” and “wrong” answer, although very often we are pushed to see it that way. Many times people like each other “beyond” words, in spite of words. Do you know the film “Mothers and Daughters”, by Rodrigo García? It shows some beautiful examples of what I am trying to explain here…
Ah, the maze of human relations…
So, I totally laughed at this simply because I related so much to it. I deal with a lot of “strong” personalities in my work and have adapted myself to use this type “cooperative” speech. It totally works and many people whom I can’t stand love me and love working with me. So, I don’t know if I should be sad that people I couldn’t give two damns about think I’m their best buddy or if I should rub my paws together while laughing maniacally. I choose to laugh. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
Hey Solita, I think your capability to separate your responses from your own self identity is a remarkable sign of maturity. Sometimes it is very easy to let oneself go by the feeling of “being right”. I mean, the cooperative speech is a tool that works, but, with some people, sometimes, you are tempted to use a hammer instead!
Thanks for coming round…