Zerebria

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The point of view of Neuro-Linguistic Programming about words is very interesting: they consider them as a kind of hypnosis – a series of actions intended to generate a certain effect in our partner. (‘Frogs into Princes‘, John Grinder and Richard Bandler, page 151, Spanish edition)

…or an effect upon ourselves, too. Because, either explicit or implicitly, all of us speak to ourselves in order to confer a meaning to our experiences in the world. Things, on their own, just are. In order to build sense, to make things be something, we stick labels to them. So, in a way, all of us hypnotize ourselves, with different effects. That’s what NLP is about (think about sentences like ‘program yourself for success’, that kind of stuff).

Now, those labels called words are very useful but can also be dangerous. Sometimes, we lock up ourselves inside the structures we have made, without even noticing it. The way we talk of things, the way we talk to ourselves, is never innocent, and it usually tells a lot about what are we like and what is happening to us. Here are a couple of useful tips that can help you changing your world by simply changing the way you name it.

The modal operators

Very roughly put, NLP has identified four main styles or ways of relating to the world. Four models of ‘glasses’ in function of which we’ll see the world and what it offers in a different color. They are called ‘modal operators’ and, of course, the way to easily identify them is via language. Common words used in each operator are:

• Operator of necessity: should, must, have to…
• Operator of desire: wish, want, need…
• Operator of possibility: can, able to, capable…
• Operator of choice: choose, select, decide…

Let’s apply such operators to a simple action. For example, doing the laundry:

• Necessity: “I should do the laundry today”
• Desire: “I want to do the laundry today”
• Possibility: “I can do the laundry today”
• Choice: “I’ve decided to do the laundry today”

Which sentence feels better?

Which one seems to give you more options?

Which one seems to take all your power away (as if you were in the hands of external forces)?

I think there’s no need to add much; the example speaks for itself. If such a psychological impact is so visible with a single sentence, imagine how different the world looks like for a person who’s always lived in a ‘should’ world and for another trained in ‘choose’. The laundry can always be the same, but the ‘today’ can be very gloomy, or very sunny instead.

The good news, of course, is that such behaviors are easy to correct. Just pay attention to what you say, and how you say it. Which is your main modal operator? They can appear combined, of course: maybe in certain areas of your life you work with possibility while in other you fall into necessity patterns. Think about how it relates to your expectations and the actions you take (or you do not dare to take) in each case.

All of this is but trivial. The way one talks absolutely configures one’s world. And if you think this is too granular, o.k. then, just quit reading, do your life, and please come back in ten years’ time and you tell me .

This post is partially based upon this article282 by Steve Andreas, disciple of Richard Bandler and one of the main current NLP authorities (I also recommend you his article about how the but283 word works). Here’s 284another great post with advice on modal operators by Tim Brownson, Life Coach and NLP Practitioner.  Good hunt!

Related posts:

Of the invisible and crucial
The Bechdel test
Sick (but not tired)
The key, if you ask me…
On being inter-connective

November 19, 2010 at 9:20 pm by Nacho Jordi
Tags: Adaptation, Books, Consciousness, Creative thinking, Emotional intelligence, Hypnosis, Language, Neuro-linguistic programming, Personal development, Richard Bandler, Social conditioning, Words